


Float

by Vipersweb (Rhianona)



Series: Ashes in the Fall [3]
Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003), Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Ashes in the Fall, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-09
Updated: 2007-09-09
Packaged: 2017-10-08 20:30:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/79253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhianona/pseuds/Vipersweb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronon helps Kara come to grips with her new situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Float

Kara has been on Atlantis for three months when Dr. Weir declares a rest day and orders everyone to "go and have fun." Somehow, she gets dragged along with a rather large group of marines and scientists to the mainland. She doesn't quite understand what they are asking her when they drag her to a jumper– learning the language spoken by the people in this strange city in the middle of the sea is slow going for her – but she smiles and pretends. She was never a scholar and there isn't a common point of reference for her. She sometimes thinks she recognizes a word or phrase but it is too infrequent for her to be sure. Despite this, there are always enough people who try and include her in their conversations, speaking slowly, taking the time to teach her a new group of words – one of the scientists even went so far as to create some type of program for the computer she is given to help her. She doesn't tell them how freaked out she is by their simple acceptance – demand even – of the computers and technology and awareness the City has.

Sometimes at night, she sits before the altar she built in the room she doesn't share with anyone and prays to Artemis and Athena that this isn't a dream and that she's not going to wake up and see the truth of her nightmares. She prays that if this is some cruel dream she will not wake or if she does, that her death will be swift.

She's lived once with a madman, a prisoner to his mercy, never knowing if this is the day that Leoben will get tired of her killing him over and over and decide she's not worth keeping alive, that she doesn't have some great destiny so intertwined with his own that he sought her out as soon as he landed on New Caprica before the Cylons had even secured their position of dominance. She dreamed there too; dreamed of normalcy, and freedom, of a world without Cylons where she's living with a husband whose face is hidden while she goes to work and flies ships and plays Pyramid or Triad at night before they make love and sleep. She buries the truth of it deep within, refusing to admit, even to herself that the face changes: sometimes it's Zac, sometimes Sam or even Lee. Once it was Leoben and she woke up screaming in denial.

She doesn't sleep for days after that.

She knows that Atlantis sits in the ocean. She goes to sleep with the smell of salt water in her nostrils, breezes full of the mysteries hidden in the ocean cooling her and lulling her to sleep rather than the metallic hum of the Galactica's engines. It isn't until she goes to the mainland with everyone else that she realizes what being here really means.

The water is just the right temperature against her feet. Behind her she can hear Dr. McKay yelling something in his strident voice, fast and harsh, the words snatched up by the breeze and flown away just as quickly. She tilts her head back, the sun hot against her face, creating patterns of lights and stars behind her closed eyes. Her hair – non-regulation now but nowhere near as long as she had it on New Caprica – slips from the pony tail she's taken to wearing, the ends caressing her back as the breeze gently pulls at it. For the first time in months, she's not thinking about anything at all.

The moment is broken when someone stumbles into her, sending her deeper into the water. She smiles at the stammering marine who seems mortified. Colonel Sheppard comes up behind him and says something designed to break the tension before smiling disarmingly at her. He gestures to the area behind her where others are stripping to their underwear before entering the water. She nods enthusiastically and follows his lead. He hands her off to his teammate Teyla - who, as near as Kara can tell is not from the same group of people as most of the people who live in City are – and she brings Kara what she assumes is the woman's side of the tarp. It's been so long since she's lived in a place where boundaries between the sexes are still adhered.

Kara likes Teyla; she is quiet where others are loud. Teyla is the one to notice the small altar she sets up in her quarters and asks simple questions about her gods, because anything more complex is beyond Kara at the moment. The next morning, Kara had found incense and candles outside her door. She looks forward to the time when she can speak this new language more freely and revisit it. Teyla invites Kara to meditate with her in the evenings and even though Kara had always disliked it in the past, she's come to realize that it brings a certain peace she so desperately needs. It reminds her of her childhood and the priests and the smell of incense wafting through the warm temple, the quiet chant of the prayers falling from so many lips.

The rituals from her childhood keep her grounded in the strange new world in which she finds herself.

Kara undresses down to the shorts and sports bra she wears. The cool metal of her dog tags, the only real reminder she has of the Fleet bounce, against her skin. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the interest in her tattoos: most of those here have never seen her in a shirt that doesn't cover them. She ignores the curiosity. Even if she had the words to explain what they mean, they are too painful for her to relate. She doesn't want to explain how she had gotten drunk with Zac one night in Caprica City and how he had dragged her to the tattoo parlor for matching tattoos on the back of their necks. She doesn't want to tell them how the words on her forearm are a reminder of the loss of her dream of playing professional Pyramid and the decision to join the Fleet. She definitely doesn't want to explain how the giant wing on her other arm represents a commitment to a man she married for all the wrong reasons, but who stuck with her despite everything and how he is probably one of the few people actually mourning her loss right now. It doesn't matter how long their marriage has been over; Sammy has always been there for her and she thinks he might still be waiting for her to be ready to settle down for real.

Teyla touches her arm gently, shaking Kara from her thoughts and leads her back into the sun. The Colonel is waiting for them, while Ronon is dragging a protesting Dr. McKay towards the water, a huge grin on his face. Kara can't help but laugh at the sight. She misses the startled looks around her. She doesn't realize that this is the first time anyone has seen her really happy and how it changes her, making her seem younger. They know next to nothing about her other than she saved Radek Zelenka's life the last time he went through the gate.

Kara is all pale skin and black tattoos as she jogs into the water. More than one set of eyes is on her, reevaluating her as she swims deeper into the water. No one knows for sure who she was before coming to Atlantis, but rumors have had her as everything from solider to priestess and all sorts of things in between. With her tags – and there can be no mistaking what those are, no matter how weirdly shaped they are – clanking against each other as she runs to the water it looks like the rumor she is another Chaya have gone up in smoke.

Most of the marines and scientists are in the water, splashing and laughing, enjoying the fact that there isn't some crisis preventing them from enjoying the day. Kara stays separate. She doesn't want to join them, though she appreciates the gesture they made in bringing her. She's floating on her back, letting the waves soothe her as she reflects on where she is. For the first time in two and a half years, the sun is shining on her, she has water beneath her and there isn't the threat of having to scramble because of the Cylons. If she goes back to the shore, there will be actual gods honest sand beneath her toes, getting her feet dirty, the salt itching her skin. This is not the artificial pool they had had on _Cloud Nine_. This is real and it's at this moment that Kara realizes she's alone and not in the Fleet anymore.

She gasps a bit and turns over, letting the tears that fill her eyes get washed away by the water as she suddenly plunges beneath the waves. She stays under until she can't breath any longer, shooting towards the sky. She ignores the startled questions and shouts of worry that the others give at her sudden reappearance and pulls for the shore. Once there, she does what she always does when she needs to think. She starts running.

She pounds against the sand, staying in the shallows as much to protect her bare feet as anything else. She ignores the following feet, her breath is sobbing as she pushes herself harder and harder, trying to outrun the knowledge that she is no longer Major Kara Thrace, deputy CAG and flight instructor on Galactica. Honorary aunt to Hera and Nick; sister to Helo; sometimes lover to Sammy. She can't pull out a wrench and join Chief or Cally under a Viper or Raptor. Can't lose herself to the rhythm of running the metallic halls of Galactica. Can't relax by pulling up a chair at the Triad table in the rec room and fleecing the nuggets. No more feel of her Viper around her, her eyes watching the DRADIS, the joy of simply being in space, the stars and ships around her.

She doesn't know who she is on this new world. She barely speaks the language. She hasn't been in the air since she crashed on the frakking planet with the weird killer aliens three months ago. She doesn't have the comfort of the military to tell her what to do and when to do it. She's so far outside her comfort zone at this point she's half afraid she would greet Leoben with a hug and kiss. And if that isn't completely frakked up, she doesn't want to know what else is wrong with her.

Lungs burning, legs trembling, she knows she can't go much further before collapsing so starts to slow down. Whoever is following her adjusts their pace to match hers. She appreciates that they aren't running next to her, whoever it is. She has never liked appearing weak before others and her actions today are already too embarrassing.

She finally stops, staring out at the sea as she struggles to regain her sense of self. She is not all that surprised to see that Ronon was the one to follow her. They have gone running in the morning these last weeks and he knows her pace better than anyone else in this strange place. She likes that he doesn't speak much, that he has as many scars and marks as she does, that he understand that some things are too personal. So she is surprised when he says something to her and then repeats it slowly so that she can understand it.

"You'll find your place," he tells her. "They are good people." She gazes into his eyes, looking for the message she is certain he has. In the end, she sees enough to realize that the man he is now is in no small part due to Atlantis and the people who populate her. She can accept that.

Kara takes a deep breath. She's still feeling lost and adrift in the sea but, she's a part of Atlantis now and by gods she is going to take what she can offer her and embrace it. And if she loses Atlantis like she has lost _Galactica_, well, she'll just do what she's always done best: pull herself up by her bootstraps and keep going. And she reminds herself that Galactica hasn't been home since New Caprica and the Admiral disowned her and Lee shunned her. Here she has the potential for building something lasting and she's going to take it with everything in her.

She smiles at Ronon and lets him escort her back to the others. All the while, the sounds of water rushes past their feet, pushing and pulling. Her wet shorts chafe her thighs and the sun is drying her hair.

It is a beautiful day.


End file.
